In Pursuit

There is always something that we are hunting for. We have this blazing desire to achieve something, to be better than we were yesterday; to be happy.

There are a million things that we could do to potentially get to this level of happiness. But, it seems that we are constantly a step away from fully reaching absolute satisfaction.  We work, we play, we do things that bring us a sense of accomplishment, but more often than not, we still feel we are lacking something.

I have found myself struggling, more than once, to really feel like I’m doing something important, something that makes me smile. There are a plethora of things in this world that make me smile: family, motorcycles, food, games and friends. Overtime, however, I began to recognize a pattern in my behavior; I was treating happiness as a destination. I was making it someplace to be and unfortunately, I was never there. Dark and harrowing feelings would creep over me and I would need to do something that made me happy, like there was a cure. I relied on other things, and people, to bring me gratification and ultimately I lost the ability to pursue the best version of myself. Happiness, to me, became a one stop shop, a quick fix that only lasted a brief amount of time.

Eventually, I was just always sad. Food couldn’t bring me comfort, games became boring and repetitive and even the furious and mechanical bellows of a motorcycle couldn’t put a smile on my face. Nothing seemed to work, nothing was good enough and I wasn’t happy.

It wasn’t until the beginning of this year that I saw the flaws in my ways. It wasn’t a eureka moment by any means, just a subtle, yet powerful, change in my outlook.

Happiness is not a destination. Happiness is a constant journey.

First off, I had to stop putting happiness in a box, limiting its potential to only a few (poorly) selected things, on my part.

Next, I had to come to terms with the fact that happiness doesn’t stop when I do; and I’ve stopped more than once. Happiness continues on, day in and day out and it’s my responsibility to grab it by the horns and own it. It won’t be easy, as a matter of fact, it’ll be impossible to really pin happiness down and say “okay, I’ve got it.” Since happiness is a journey, that means that the path to it is forever changing. Think about it like this- when you take a hike in the woods, you find a trail and you start walking. You’re surrounded by the best that nature has to offer: majestic trees, lush foliage, unique insects, clear skies and a cool, crisp breeze. You can stop for a while, appreciate the beauty of nature, maybe pick a few flowers but eventually you have to keep moving.  If you stay too long in one spot on the trail, not only will you never see the beauty ahead, but what you have seen will begin to lose its shine. The flowers won’t dance the same way in the wind, the trees will seem just average and you get bored; you get sad.

Now, you have to remember that you are still on the same trail. However, just because you’re moving on doesn’t mean you’re forgetting what was. You may know what makes you happy, and that’s great, but you can’t settle for a single aspect of that happiness when there is much an amazing “hike” ahead of you! Who knows, maybe you’ll find a secret trail that leads you to a different, but better place, or maybe the path you’re on takes you somewhere you never expected; somewhere absolutely breathtaking. The thing is, you’ll never know what lies ahead if you don’t keep moving and exploring the possibilities. It’s an adventure! Not a pit stop.

I myself was stuck in one part of my hike and I had become stagnant where I was at. But once I started to move again, once I realized that I had only just begun my hike and that there was still miles and miles left in my journey, I saw the beauty that the path ahead contained. It’s not that I didn’t appreciate where I was it, however, it had served its purpose, it had shown me its beauty and it was simply time to move on.

Happiness doesn’t stop. Happiness is a living, fluid, vibrant and beautiful thing.

So are you.

So often we feel empty inside, or we feel that we aren’t “making it” simply because we’ve stopped hiking. We found a spot that was comfortable and we become complacent. But there is so much more ahead, it’s unknown, but that’s a part of happiness, the discovery of it.

Sometimes on your journey, other people join you and you see the sights together. You engage in the surrounding beauty, you explore, help each other out and push through. Sometimes those people stay on your path and sometimes they don’t. But you’re still hiking, you appreciate the beauty they added and you’re so thankful, but, you keep moving and hoping that there is more to come.

And there is.

Whatever path you may be on, don’t forget that it hasn’t ended. It’ll get difficult, you may have to take a break every now and again, which is fine, just don’t stop and stay put. Be willing enough to take the next step and brave enough to keep walking.

There is so much more that lies ahead of us, so much happiness and opportunity that is just a few steps away. It’s up to us to decide if we want to pursue it or not.

I say go for it.

And if you happen upon someone else’s path, be sure to encourage them, give them hope and help them discover the happiness that we all long for.

Keep your head up, keep your legs churning and always keep your eyes open.

Happiness is obtainable.

So keep walking. You’ll get there.

We all will.

 

 

The Comparative Disease

The world is teeming with so many dangerous things, diseases, animals and weapons that can harm you. It’s a sobering thought, forcing us to make sure that we truly protect ourselves with the best care and treatments possible. We have become so certain that we are now safe, healthy and guarded from the dangers of the world. It’s in this state that we actually forget the lurking and most dangerously common force in our time. The disease called Comparison.

Social media is now a way of life, it’s involved in almost every aspect of what we do. We post pictures of where we are, what we eat, who we’re with, our accomplishments and more. While there isn’t an inherent evil to this, what has been conceived from social media is mentally and emotionally damaging. Everyday we are bombarded with images, videos and ads of those who are “living their best life” and while we can be happy for them, a creeping jealously begins to form. Someone on Instagram posts about their new job, or car, or how happy their relationship is, and we are almost conditioned to have our first be “I wish I had that.” Unknowingly, we start to long for a surface level satisfaction without knowing the underlying details.

We start to look at our own lives and become dissatisfied with what we are actually blessed with. Our car runs, but it’s not the new 2019 model. We are happy that we have an honest job that pays the bills, but it’s no six figure dream. “It’s not that I don’t love my significant other-but they don’t look like that guy/girl on Instagram.” These insecurities and comparisons always start off small and we tend to put them on our mental back burner. However, over time they begin to snowball and we are caught in a downward tumble of ‘what if’s’. Silently, we start to hate and grow tired of what we should be smiling about. Over time, nothing is good enough anymore; there is always something better. Our eyes divert from our physical lovers, to the digitized fantasies we have access to at the click of a button. Our spending habits slowly start to surge uncontrollably, even though we don’t have the actual money. Even our personalities change to one that was fabricated from an unhealthy desire to be different. Before long, we are living lives that we not meant for us, and in turn, we become the exact opposite of who we need to be.

I myself am guilty of this, constantly. Comparing myself to others, and it has eaten me alive from the inside out. By all accounts, I was supposed to graduate college in 2017, yet here I am. I was supposed to be a Division I athlete, but I went DIII. I would watch videos, posts and such of my friends tossing their caps in celebration or a hurdler breaking a record and without missing a beat, I would say “That should be me.” or “I wish I would’ve made it.” Instead of looking at the blessings that have come my way through the years, I am engulfed by envy and it has taken control of how I see my life. I know, and it sucks to admit, that I have missed out on so many wonderful opportunities in my own life because I was too busy following someone else’s.

Comparing yourself to others will never satisfy the desires of your heart. While we can wish all we want that we were soaring in the clouds, the fact is, we probably could’ve bought a plane ticket a long time ago. Everyone has heard the saying “the grass is always greener on the other side.”

False. Do not believe it.

The grass is greener where YOU water it. Where there is plenty of sunlight and room to grow.

As a society, it is far too easy to fall into the clutches of comparison and sometimes there seems like there is no way around it. Aren’t we supposed to feel excited for others and support their success? The answer is yes, we are. However, that  doesn’t mean clawing at every chance to be like them. When we envy others, when we compare, we forget what makes us special; what makes us, us. We lose sight of the gifts that we can offer the world and other people. In actuality, no one’s one talent and or gift, is better than another’s. We all have our place, our time and our path that is freely offered to us.

Think of it like this. Our world is a puzzle and all of us are pieces. How could we ever create the masterpiece this world is supposed to be if we all want to be the center piece? We will never recognize our potential or our goals until we stop comparing ourselves to the next person and start believing that we, as individuals are exactly who we’re supposed to be.

Comparisons are a disease. But the cure is YOU. 

I can’t lie, it won’t be easy to stop looking ahead and wondering what could be. But if you truly take the time, even just a moment, to look at what is, you will see that life has so much more to offer you. So the next time you see a woman with a massive wedding ring, strutting around Target, look at your own and smile, because the love that gave you your ring was meant for only you. Or if your working out and you see some ripped guy curling 100’s, don’t worry, you’re already at the gym and giving it YOUR best. It doesn’t matter where we go or land in life, hold fast to your uniqueness and you will flourish.

Never give up on who you are, because who you are is amazing and this world needs you. Not a copy of someone else; it needs you.

Even in the struggle, hold your heads high, keep your eyes to the sky and press on. Wherever you’re headed is up to you, and if you never quit, you’ll get there. I know that I have so much more growing to do, as do we all, but I am learning to find joy in the process of becoming who I am. I hope that you will begin to understand that joy as well, because it is pretty great.

So, to everyone who reads this, let me be the first to say: You’re not behind, you’re not late and you’re not stuck. You’re right where you need to be.

Thank you, for being you.

 

The Aftermath of Forever

Hey everyone,

It’s been about a year since I last opened this blog. For many reasons, I lost track of what I wrote and shared on this platform. To all of those who read, I apologize for my abrupt hiatus. Much has happened, most of it in the vein of heartbreak coupled with the brutalizing weight of reality. I have to be honest, the end of the prior year has been the most unforgiving and emotionally murderous year of my entire being. There were many times where even merely continuing on was unrealistic to me.

To anyone who has waded through these harrowing thoughts and has faced the demon of suicide-please, don’t let go. Please.

It all began in the latter part of the year, end of September, beginning of October. Things weren’t easy on many different fronts. My grandmother’s health was in an uncontrollable descent, Victoria and I’s relationship was secretly crumbling at the foundations. I wasn’t in school and my job was brutally chipping away at me like an inexperienced sculptor. But, somehow everyone was still hanging on by a thread; a very fragile thread.

It was just my mother and I in the house, when my grandmother passed away. We scrambled as fast as we could, grabbing the oxygen tank, her medicines, anything we could get that could potentially save her life. We tried, we struggled and fought as best we could. It wasn’t long before my mother and I just held onto my grandmother, held her one last time. I detest the fact that I know what death feels like, yet, I still am alive to talk about it. I felt powerless, useless and like an absolute failure. My grandmother, Inez, the woman that helped raise me, was gone. She lived with us for five years, she helped me get through school, taught me to love, to fight, to pray and when to hold my tongue. In a moments notice, years of memories had slipped through my hands and there was nothing I could do.

I found comfort in the arms of then girlfriend, Victoria. She drove up mere hours after my grandmother passed. She held me, cried with me, and was the strength that I pleaded for. She was there for every aspect of it all and it’s honestly what pushed me through. I looked to her as the woman I would marry; undoubtedly.  Just before this, I had purchased a ring, just her style and size and set a plan in place. It was going to be on her 22nd birthday, when I popped the big question, a question which she had promised she would say ‘yes’ to. I didn’t have everything in life perfect, but I knew this was for sure.

She wanted to take a break, she claimed she was confused, needed to spend time with God. It was sudden and random, made sense to no one, especially me, but what could I do? I could feel the rift between us getting larger, but I knew we could mend it; I hoped. Rumors at school began to swell, once hidden truths were now being aired out, fights erupted and loyalty and faithfulness were willingly thrown out of the window. Once it all settled, there I stood, engagement ring in hand, heart bloodied, tattered and ripped out of my chest, yet, still naively hopeful that she would still love me. Maybe she would see her wrongs; she had to. Or possibly I wasn’t good enough. I should’ve tried harder. Loved her better. I should’ve been better. Maybe it was my fault.

My forever had abandoned me.

Things continued to tumble downhill after that. I lost myself to an all consuming depression. I quit my job, my car broke down, I had no friends and wherever I turned everything was snatched away from me. I reached a point where I could no longer cry, just sit and stare off into oblivion.

These past months have had the potential to end me. I turned my back on everything and everyone and simply waited for my demise.

But, somehow, I continued to wake up everyday. I struggled, and trust me I still am, but day by day and piece by piece, I began to come together. It’s taking me time, and it will take much more, but I am beginning to see why it didn’t end for me. Life isn’t fair, nor is it forgiving, but, life never stops.

I have come to realize that during our brief time here on Earth, that hearts will be broken. Lies will be told, loved ones will be lost and many a darkness will come. But better yet, hearts will be healed and properly cherished. Truth will emerge victorious, you will gain new people to love and the Sun will shine on, warming your soul. With everything that has happened to me, I have been gifted with a new resilience and better understanding of myself and others. I appreciate every single moment I spend with those I care for, I laugh louder, smile brighter and will love harder than ever before. And I will hold onto the wisdom of my Grandmother, knowing she is still with me.

I now live in the aftermath of what I believed was going to be my forever. I continue on, knowing that forever is just that; it’s unending. It doesn’t stop with me. Your life will turn around. You will find peace, a love that endures and meet friends that support you without hesitation.

It’s funny, we have all heard the saying “What doesn’t kill you, makes you stronger.” I guess I never knew it to be true, until this moment.

So to all who see this, don’t give up. Forever isn’t over. You’re still here.

You’re still going.

You will get through this.

Just know you’re not alone.

 

Lost and Maybe Found

This summer has been teaming with ups and downs, many of those ups being weekend visits to my lovely lady and overly expensive, yet delicious foods, along with hitting the ponds for bass. The downs, however, have been seemingly stronger than usual and have really been down.

I had to face the stark and familiar realization that I wouldn’t be attending school, again; and I’m just a semester away from reaching the social mega milestone of graduating from a four year university! But wait, don’t look behind you into the ominous shadow from the treacherous mountain of FedLoan, SallieMae and College Ave, ‘cuz it’ll be there for a while. I am so close to finally reaching the end of the now 6 year tunnel, yet so far from escaping the ever deepening pit of debt. So in short it hurts; pretty bad. But that’s just me.

In life I have been told many a times that you have to look at the bright side of life! Yes, this is true, hands down, all my money on it. But, what about those who are bumbling around in the perpetual darkness of their minds? Where is it supposed to be bright? Where is the box of matches you need to spark the fire? I can’t lie (since it’s a bad thing) but I’ve been lost in that darkness for a while. Yeah, there are moments where you shoot up out of nowhere and you’re above the clouds and basking in the light. It’s warm, comforting, like a hug form grandma or some hot soup.

Then the descent begins again. And it’s never a straight plummet, more like a feather that’s just a bit too heavy.

For the people in the dark which is, sadly, a lot more than I ever dreamed of, I understand what you’re feeling. We have goals, we have dreams and aspirations that are quite often larger than life itself. We are hard workers, sons, daughters, fathers and mothers, friends and everything in between. And we can do whatever we put our minds to! But, we’re just a bit lost, scared.  A bit down hearted and maybe, a little hurt. So yes, this summer has had its highs and lows; always will. I won’t take away from the good times, because they were brilliant, exciting and full of life and love. I cherish them and am honestly excited to make more.

But the downs are still there and they are haunting. They’re tough, relentless and have the capability of separating us from the things and people we love. It’s dark, frustrating and seemingly endless. There’s a lot of us down here, sort of just shuffling along, trying to make it- so that’s gotta mean something.

Although in darkness, there’s a chance that we can find one another. There’s a possibility that we could get back up to the glorious and sun soaked clouds and just stay there.

So we will have to fight, hard and for a long time. Just to break away from these downs and leave them in the past.

We are lost right now, yes, but maybe if we keep our heads up and reach out with all we’ve got.

Maybe we can be found.

 

 

 

 

 

 

All is Good

As Father’s Day has just passed, I would like to honor all of the fathers in the world who have worked tirelessly and given their all to provide for the ones they love. To my own father, I want to thank you for pushing me as far as you have. I can say that without you I would not be anything I am now. Thank you, Dad, always.

If you are a father, but maybe not a ‘dad’, I implore you to reach out to your children and connect with them, be there, or at least try. They need you more than you can understand.

Now let’s change gears.

Last week was quite a phenomenal week as it was E3, the biggest, greatest and wholly awesome annual game conference. To all of you gamers out there, I myself, would have to say that I was most excited for Bethesda’s showcase. I watched eagerly, anticipating the game that been on my mind for the past 11 years: The Elder Scrolls VI. The Bethesda team droned on, painfully awkward at times, but they never alluded to it, no hints, no nothing. My hopes were beginning to fade, just like my GPA (due to heavy gaming, sadly). As they wound down, I had all but given up, it wasn’t coming- until they rolled an ‘mystery trailer’. It was only smoke, a thin layer and the camera glided through it smoothly until a broad and mountainous coastal landscape appeared. The music was low and more like humming, but my heart knew what it was hearing. My soul was prepared. My body was ready.

It had been 84 years…well only 11, but I was feeling as old as granny Rose from Titanic was from all my waiting.

The words appeared on the screen slowly: The Elder Scrolls VI.

Needless to say, I squealed in absolute joy, had a few glorious muscle spasms and had an overall fantastically simple and mini heart attack in my bed.

The Elder Scrolls is a special series. One where you create your own character, with a wide range of races to choose from, and explore a mystical and dangerous open world. I remember when The Elder Scrolls IV came out in 2011. I used to drive home during lunch, get a solid 45 minutes of gaming, neglect my ‘nutritional’ meal and drive back to school full of Dragon slaying, exploring and questing; yet literally dying of starvation. The good ‘ole days. However, there were many other great reveals in this years E3 like: Anthem, Starfield, Fallout 76, Last of Us Part II, Ghosts of Tsushima, Kingdom Hearts III (Thank God!) and so much more. E3 is always a highlight of my year, as I have become more involved in video gaming and aim to become a video game writer one day.

To form worlds that have only existed in my overly animated brain and then bring them to (digital) life would be the dream. To write up new beings, landscapes and lives into existence and share them with everyone is almost overwhelming to think about. But it’s exciting. Video games give a very unique and almost limitless creative outlet for many people, including myself, and that’s such an amazing thing. It’s ever evolving, changing and adapting to the culture around it, and that creates absolutely amazing opportunities for everyone.

I also bought a PS4 Pro, on super sale, to prepare myself for the high quality and beautifully created games coming in the next year; so that’s cool too.

So I am off to a good start this week! I’m pumped for the upcoming virtual worlds I get to explore, I actually eat during my lunch breaks, my girlfriend is still attracted to me and I have a goal that isn’t too far out of reach!

Please check out my brothers and I’s indie game studio: MidKnightMaple! This is the start to the dream and we’d appreciate the support!

MidKnightMaple Website

Twitter Page

 

 

Real-ationships And Stuff

I’m going to start this off by saying that I am happily taken by the superbly phenomenal, undisputed, stunningly gorgeous and all time reigning champion of my heart; Tori.

Now that I have covered my bases, we may begin.

We are in a really interesting time in life right now when it comes to dating, love and all of those weird things. There’s apps like Tinder, where you just swipe right on someone, hope they swipe back then hopefully try and make something happen. Or OkCupid, Match, POF and so many other dating sites. People all over sign up, fill their profiles with their best looking selfies and pictures in hopes that some random person clicks on them and is somehow infatuated instantaneously. And it only takes a few minutes. So, you put your best foot forward and you go from there.

But what about your other foot? The ‘in person foot’.

It’s interesting how bold, confident, successful and intriguing people seem to be from the other side of a phone screen. I feel like no one wants to be who they are in person anymore, but they want to be their dating profile. We put so much effort into the digitized versions of ourselves that we forget that there is an actual person on the other end of it all waiting to see us. Now, of course, there’s nothing wrong with online dating, the inter-web is dope. What I’m saying is that we’re in a day and age where we have so much technology, so much creative AI, ways to bolster our confidence with a few good pictures and cool bios, we are beginning to lose who we really are.

It’s a culture where so many people look great, perfect almost, but once you get passed that glamorized outer shell, they tend to be very different people, and quite often not for the better. It’s a culture of little lies that rapidly creates a beautifully deceptive painting.

No one goes on dates anymore. Everyone is always “talking” but not really dating. Many people just want a quick fix to their loneliness and not a partner in life. Netflix and chill has become a common experience. And simply sliding into someone’s DM’s now means that you’re “interested.” And cheating is now almost expected, because we can easily and instantly ‘find someone better’; all with the click of a button.

But, why not meet in person? See the way their mouth pulls more to one side with they smile. Gaze into the depths of their eyes and get lost in the depths of their mind. Count the cute freckles on her face. Inhale his scent when you first hug. Grab some coffee and talk about how much you hate macchiato’s and why they love them. Is Marvel or DC better? Sour or Sweet? Talk about their fears and passions, their faults, failures and successes. Lebron or Michael. Creamy or Crunchy. (Creamy can’t be beat)

Watch how they react when you talk about hard topics.

Listen to their goofy laugh when you nail the punchline.

Hold hands.

Kiss.

But most importantly. Be there.

In a world where an account can be created in seconds, lies can spread with ease and effort is almost nonexistent, please, I implore you, be the real you.

Because the best you that you can be, is face to face.

 

 

Thank you Tori, for loving me as I was, as I am and as I will be.

I love you.

 

 

 

 

 

 

Living Life

I get it.

Times get hard, family has its issues, friendships collapse and everything around you seems to just be falling apart. Add on top of that the constant distraction and reminder that “your life could be like this” from social media and you’re a powder keg of stress, jealousy and frustration ready to blow.

I struggle with comparisons with other people who I see on social media. I look at the high rollers, guys who are funny and use that skill to make millions, I’ve seen the Instagram models who can strike one sultry pose and then boom, they’re living it up it Cabo San Lucas. All of these beautiful, smart, funny and rich people seem to be cruising through life on auto pilot with no obstructions ahead of them; it’s just too easy.

Then I look at myself. And honestly, I don’t see the best parts of me.

There are days when I just don’t feel adequate, I feel low and like I haven’t accomplished anything; nor will I. I have a longing to feel that I can do something, that I have mastered something in a sense, yet, I’m still just lurching along. Like said before, I’m still a NoPro. I’d open my phone, scroll throw my apps and repeat the cycle until I had seen enough of other peoples’ lives to be satisfied, but still empty.

What do they have that I don’t? How can I get it? Where is it? What does it feel like?

I was searching for answers to my questions from people that I didn’t even know. I was comparing myself to others who didn’t even know I existed.

I was digging myself deeper and deeper into a hole of comparisons and I was about to lose sight of the surface.

But that’s not how it ends.

After absorbing my daily digital dose, I finally cranked my heavy head up from my phone screen and looked to the life that I was living. It was a gorgeous day outside. Some flirtatious cardinals were dancing through the air, the sun was high and bright, green grass shifted in the winds like ocean waves and there was Declan, rolling around with a smile on is face.

I looked up even higher and there was a well constructed roof over my head, a TV to my left, a couch beneath my buns and a bowl of gourmet ramen (made by yours truly) on the table in front of me. My phone vibrates and I have an invitation from my little brother, Jeremiah, to hop on Fortnite with my other brother, Jordan. I join, and the whole time we laugh hysterically, shout out ridiculous commands, squeal when a squad of John Wicks is rushing us, and most importantly we are enjoying what we have and who we have it with. We got the W, too.

It’s funny, how envious we people can become of one another. But what’s even better and so much more rewarding, is when we as people learn to enjoy ourselves. Your life (yeah, I’m talking to you, Phillip) isn’t meant to be lived from another persons body. No matter how hard you tried, when it comes down to it, you’ll never be anyone but you. So you might as well invest in yourself and give it all you’ve got!

You don’t need to be an Instagram model, Youtube star, a comedian or a glorified chef; you just need to be you. Look at the life you’ve got, find the good in it, because there is always good, and hold tight to that. Be happy, smile, appreciate the moments and what you have, because I can guarantee you, there’s so much more to experience in life.

Text that friend that you have and make plans.

Go on a date with your crush.

Cook that meal you’ve been dying to try, or take yourself out.

Take a nap.

Go on a vacation that fits your style.

Because at the end of the day, the life YOU decide to live, is the best life you’ll ever have.

 

 

 

 

 

Friday Vibes

Friday.

The end of the road and the finale of the infamous and ever present five day torture sentence known as “the work week”.

The shining light at the end of the tunnel.

Good ‘ole Friday.

There’s something truly blissful about that uncoordinated happy dance you do when you slip-slide out of work, glaring devilishly at your ogre of a boss as he has to stay late for a corporate meeting.

Your work buddy, Dave, is going to have a “killer” guys night at his place tomorrow. He couldn’t grill if George Foreman and Guy Fieri  baptized him in a vat of bacon grease, but, he’s a great guy.

Oh, how we love Fridays.

The girls are all going out. Hair is flowing. Nails done. Looking snatched. But you’re really just ready to sit back in your PJ’s, do your DIY home spa treatment and talk about how tired you are of Barbara wearing the same crusty high waisted denim jeans on Casual Friday’s.

Yes, it’s Friday.

Me personally, I’m just as ready as you all are. There’s a new game mode in Fortnite that I am eager to get my overly worked gamer thumbs on. I probably won’t take the Victory Royale, but that’s okay. Deadpool 2 is out now and the Merc with a Mouth is back to deliver a healthy dose of crude humor, stylized violence, overly tight super suits and bad punch lines; everything we love in the world.

The weekend brings us a sense of accomplishment and satisfaction, even if you only accomplished a tiny thing, like finally killing that ignorant fly that taunted you all week with his small, irate and disproportional body. Friday’s are meant to be thoroughly enjoyed, we’re supposed to shed the load of the tumultuous week and leap with the warm embrace of the weekend (not to be confused with The Weeknd, although a lot of people would like that).

So to everyone who has worked their way through week, be it at the office cubical, at Lowes, as a beautician or as full time back scratcher, enjoy your weekend! You made it through to the end and you should be proud! Live it up! Have a blast!

 

Because Monday is going to hit you like a freakin’ mack truck.

 

 

 

A Half A Cup

Have you ever went to get something to drink late at night, not because you’re necessarily thirsty, but just because you need something. You go to the kitchen and grab an glass, nothing too fancy, and you hit the sink. You fill it up, take glance and ‘naw, too much’, you dump some down the drain and take another peek. Not enough. It’s not a big deal, but you twist the knob and go at it again. However, just like the first fill up, you’ve overdone it and you need to get rid of some. Dump. Too little.

Now you’re just annoyed.

You can’t seem to get it right, you know, there’s always something. Too big or small, too much or too little-blah.

After a while you just say ‘forget it’ and walk back to your room with your throat dustier than the Gobi Desert. It was something so simple, just get a drink, open your mouth and dump a clear tasteless liquid from a steel pipe down it. But even with that simple task, you couldn’t find just how much you needed, you couldn’t pin point the exact amount that would satisfy you.

That’s a bit how life is.

We as people tend to never know exactly what we need; it’s always shifting. We fill our cups with our hobbies, work, friends, love and so much more. Seems like just the right thing! But wait, I’ve had too much. That cute girl has become “too close” for comfort, or that dream job is “too stressful.” So we get rid of some of it. Cut ties, we retreat into ourselves quietly, we give up, shut down. Well now, we don’t have enough. So we pick ourselves up, slip on our Sketchers light-ups, and we head out to find something of substance. Food. Entertainment. Adventure. Material items.

Again, it’s too much now. We’re overwhelmed, smothered by our own indecision. So we go back to the usual and we get rid of what we think, what we feel, we don’t need. However,  the fact of the matter is that we’re so caught up in trying to find that perfect amount of that ‘drink’, that we forget to actually take one. We don’t take a step back and appreciate what we have, we don’t take what is given to us at the time, we just need to have it perfect-or we get nothing. We knowingly don’t take a drink, then we get upset when are dehydrated, as if we didn’t have what we needed right in front of us.

So, I implore you all, to take your cup and however it is filled, full, half or just even a smidgen. Enjoy it. Drink it all in. Be grateful.

Enjoy what life gives you and keep going.

Mondaze

There’s nothing worse than coming off of a successful weekend, that felt shorter than your pinky finger, and stepping into a busy and chaotic workday, just to talk to Paul, your odd co-worker with the finely greased and matted comb-over. Mondays are the start of something ‘awful’ some people would say, others aren’t mad about it, but they’re not overjoyed either. Monday’s always creep up on you and surprise attack you from behind. You know, like your creepy uncle Phil, who you only met once at your second cousins BBQ in July. Yeah, him. Now, although I am young and spry (only on Thursdays and Fridays) I do feel the ‘Mondaze’ drag.

I didn’t want to get up this morning. I laid in my bed for a bit, feeling a bit chunky,  looking at my 1990’s NBA ceiling fan that doesn’t work and I thought to myself. “Naw.” The sun was shining, the one stupid bird was outside squawking his head off trying to find a mate, my neighbors lawn mower that sounded like it had asthma was sputtering along and Declan laid quietly at my feet. Yeah, it was a Monday. I finally convinced myself to sit up, so did Declan, and we started our day. Now I don’t go to work until 2 pm, to start the after school program, so my mornings usually consist of dragging my cocoa toes around our unfinished hardwood floors, eating cereal with almond milk (how the flip do you milk an almond anyway?) and gaming.

But now I blog stuff, so that’s cool.

Again, for the most part Monday’s do suck and they can and will put you in a tizzy. No one wants to start the week over, begin again-or even just start. People complain about their jobs, I do, my momma does, my brothers (I have 4) and probably everyone else in the world. But we have to remember something important. Even though we despise talking to Regina at reception, because she just can’t seem to close her mouth about Dobby, her grotesque Sphynx cat, she’s probably feeling the same way we are.

We don’t know what the heck we’re doing.

It’s a Monday and we’d all rather be laid up in bed, chillin’ with our Declan’s and Dobby’s (if you have one) and binge watching that new show on Netflix. Or binge eating.

It doesn’t matter how you skin it, ‘Mondaze’s’ are going to come and they’ll keep coming and they’ll never stop-ever; like acne.

So if you see someone, which is everyone, having a ‘Mondaze’, let them know that you’re having one too. It may cheer them up, make them giggle a lil’ bit or just reassure them that they’re not alone in this world.

Because we’re all in this together. Somehow.